theslowflood

theslowflood, originally uploaded by eastaltus.

It has been several years since I have smoked cigarettes. I smoked for a very long time and near the end there I was smoking like I was being sponsored. Cigarettes were a way for me to take a few minutes and step outside of whatever situation I was dealing with and "relax." Most commonly I would be working on a cartoon or painting and get severely frustrated with some incredibly important concern like Line Weight or some invisible Audience, and step outside on our back patio and light up. After exhaling several satisfying breaths and checking out the stars or the cats crawling along the fence, I would be reenergized to go back and tackle another sixty pages, inevitably to start the frustration cycle again.
I lived with a girl named Marie at the time, who was forever engaged in either the preparation of leaving or being gone. She had a tiny bathroom off the kitchen to herself that had a door to the patio. I stood there once, smoking, watching her perform intricate hair manipulation.
There are no tidy secrets embedded in this painting, but the rising water and the ominous background I'm sure reflect my frustrations, not so much with smoking, but for really understanding what vice is all about- my love for distraction, fear, and procrastination. Or whatever.